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7 Absurdly Delicious Ways to Totally Destroy Your New Year’s Resolutions

What’s your dietary resolution this year? Less sugar? Cutting down on carbs? Trimming out foods with fat? Or, maybe you’re just laughing in the face of all those resolutions! For that, we salute you. After a year like 2020, you’ve earned it. Join us in celebrating some incredible dishes that we’ll devour happily and without guilt while we laugh in the face of New Years Resolutions.

Cheddar Crusted Mac and Cheese from New Realm Brewing.
The Mac and Cheese from New Realm Brewing
This thing is essentially a cauldron full of cheddar crusted, cheesy macaroni goodness. Guaranteed to do that cheese pull you only see on Atlanta Eats and pizza commercials (but most of those commercials fake the food with glue and other stuff, gross). They make it with their Belgian Amber Glaze which goes great with the dish and is a better choice than a hard seltzer or whatever low calorie crap you were going to get drunk with.

Vortex - Super Stack Challenge
Vortex – Super Stack Challenge

The Super Stack Heart Attack Burger from The Vortex
So, this makes every extreme list on the internet, but for good reason. It’s two half pound patties served between three grilled cheese sandwiches and topped with two fried eggs, ten slices of bacon, zero regrets and lots of other stuff. Since it’s hard to share anything with a friend these days, just order it for yourself and eat it slowly over the course of a couple of days because stretching your budget is just as important as squeezing your waistline.

Cacio e Pepe from Storico Fresco
Storico Fresco – Cacio e Pepe

Pasta from Storico Fresco
Listen, banza is fine. It’s a decent alternative but still tastes chewy and smells like a middle school cafeteria. Unless you’re living with a gluten allergy, stop wasting your time. Go to Storico Fresco where they make pasta fresh daily and have incredible dishes like Cacio e Pepe, Lasagna all Bolognese, Squid ink chitarra and more.

Detroit Style Pizza from Nina + Rafi
Nina & Rafi – Detroit Style Pizza

Detroit Pizza from Nina and Rafi
Everyone knows Cauliflower pizza crusts are bad, okay? They might be the best way to eat cauliflower, but that is not a distinction worth celebrating. And they, by their very nature, have to be thing. I like my crusts THICCC. And the Detroit Red Top at Nina and Raffi is a VERY THICC BOI. With a caramelized cheese crust and a light and airy inside, it’s a tasty boi, too.

The foul play chicken and waffles from Folk Art.
Folk Art’s Chicken and Waffle “Foul Play”
Get your GD Kodiak Cakes out of here! Who the heck is looking for protein out of pancakes and waffles? Instead, get your protein from a mouthwatering fried chicken on top of Folk Art’s signature waffle, and topped with a mouthwatering peach compote!

The Poutine from The General Muir
The General Muir’s poutine
Gotta give it to the Canucks, they know how to maintain the layer of blubber to keep you warm in the wintertime. French fries, cheese curds, gravy and a fried egg. Those Birds Eye frozen green bean fries are not going to taste as good as the real thing, let’s be real.

The Scream'n Nut donut and ice cream sandwich from Scream'n Nuts
Scream’n Nuts‘ The Scream’n Nut
I’ve resolved to eat whatever the f*ck I want in 2021. Some days, that might be a salmon and salad. Some days, that might be a steakhouse dinner. But today? Today, it’s an ice cream sandwich made with donuts. I repeat – AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH MADE WITH DONUTS!

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