How To Build a Totally Craveworthy Fast Food Thanksgiving Meal

Besides the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving may be the most traditional American holidays. In fact, there’s a well known myth that the turkey almost became the national bird of the United States of America (the truth is that Ben Franklin once wrote why a turkey was better than an eagle, and I guess people just went with it). Since many of us can’t travel and have to fend for ourselves this Thanksgiving, what more American way to celebrate the holiday in relative solitude than with an insane amount of fast food. I’ve curated my perfect fast food Thanksgiving meal below, and it’s the sodium filled feast of my dreams.

Turkey – Popeyes
Love that turkey from Popeyes! Popeyes has once again released a cajun-rubbed, spice-infused and marinated-in-Creole-butter whole turkey. It comes pre-cooked, so all you have to do is heat it up in the oven, and it’s available for as low as $39.99. Cajun spiced turkey for days? Cajun spiced turkey for daaaaayyyyys.

Gravy – KFC
When I was talking about writing this to some of the folks in the office, my colleague mentioned that her grandmother for years had been pulling one over on her, thinking she was making delicious, mouthwatering homemade gravy for Thanksgiving every year. Turns out, she had just been picking it up by the gallon from KFC. Love it when grandmas are duplicitous.

Corn – Chipotle
I’m Puerto Rican, so my Thanksgivings usually consist of turkey and traditional American sides with a pernil (roasted pork shoulder) and some tostones thrown in there. So, I’ve gotta add some spice to this meal and Chipotle’s corn would bring a little added sabor to this meal.

Mashed Potatoes – Boston Market
Listen, I get that these guys are basically a fast food version of Thanksgiving and that this is kind of a cheat code. But let’s be honest – the mashed potatoes are the only thing worth going back for.

Biscuits – Bojangles
Listen, we all know that CFA and Zax do better chicken than the boys at Bo’s. But you’ve gotta give the South Carolina company credit – they do know their biscuits. Worth grabbing a couple extra for breakfast the next day.

Green Beans – Mrs. Winner’s
Mrs. Winner’s gets overlooked in the chicken chain wars and that’s too bad – they’ve got some of the best sides in the business. We’ll go with a Thanksgiving classic here but their fried okra is a good option too.

Cole Slaw – Zaxby’s
You can’t have a plate of meat south of the Maxon Dixon line and not put cole slaw on it. It’s unnatural. And if you’re picking a place to get it, you can’t do better than Zaxby’s. Get a side of Zax sauce to see how it goes with that Cajun turkey.

Mac and Cheese – Chick-Fil-A
There’s a map from fivethirtyeight.com that always pops up on folks’ social feeds this time of year, focusing on the side dishes of America’s regions. And apparently, the South is wild about Mac and Cheese during Thanksgiving. If you haven’t tried Chick-Fil-A’s new Mac and cheese side, now is your perfect excuse to order up a bunch in advance of your turkey day meal.

Pumpkin and Creme Pie – McDonald’s
I’ve never actually tried this (and am not sure if it’s even available in the metro Atlanta area ). But I am curious. It’s basically a version of McDonald’s classic handheld apple pie, only made with Pumpkin and creme. I definitely want to try it after googling pics of it for a few minutes though – hit us up on social if you’ve been to a McDonald’s where you can find it.

So, rendering my final verdict on what this Thanksgiving meal would taste like, I’m sure it would be incredibly delicious. But don’t do this. It’s going to be a major digestive mistake. Find a local business/small restaurant near you that’s doing a good packaged Thanksgiving meal and order from them. Still get the Popeye’s cajun turkey though, that’s gonna be bomb.